Running Head: Costs and Benefits of Dating in College

Abstract

Dating males ages 18-23 involved in student clubs and organizations at WCSU were given questionnaires to evaluate the costs and benefits of dating in college. These 50 males addressed the issues of self-concept, companionship, emotional and financial distress, time management, scholastic interference, and the personal needs of affection. Results indicated that respondents perceived there to be more benefits to dating in college than costs. Other results suggested that stress is a part of any relationship, and that being involved in student organizations allows for greater relationship opportunities.

The Costs and Benefits of Dating in College

College male students develop intimate relationships, which create both positive and negative experiences. These experiences may be beneficial through the learning of communication skills, stress and time management, and through the development of self-confidence. Some of the costs in college dating relationships may be emotional distress, financial stress, sexual tension, or the loss of self-confidence if the relationship ends.

Many studies have examined both the costs and benefits to dating in college and the needs of students during this time in their lives. Martin (1994) constructed generalizations about the benefits and needs of stability and intimacy in college students, and how "development of the self-concept leads to longer relationships."(42) If relationships are lasting longer due to self-concept development, that must be a benefit to dating in college. Studies by Paul (1998) conclude that college students have great needs for intimacy, love, companionship, and communication. (7)

Fulfillment of needs and the order in which they are met is exactly what was supported in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Model. (1954) His theory of human needs and motivation "found that people fulfilled physical, security, social, esteem, and self-actualization needs in an orderly, ascending fashion."(Rowan, 125) Humans have basic, focused personal needs, which must be fulfilled, before secondary needs can be met. These needs are in a hierarchy versus on a lateral field where each need has equal necessity.

Fulfilling needs would be beneficial, and denying these needs would be costly. If college male students are better educated about the costs and benefits of dating, they will have a greater opportunity to explore their personal needs to better aid them in relationship development. What are the costs and benefits of having intimate relationships for 18-23 year old WCSU males in student organizations?

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is "a model in which human needs and motivation found that people fulfilled physical, security, social esteem, and self-actualization needs, however individuals may never satisfy all of their needs, especially needs at the highest level."(Kiel,167) This theory is being utilized for its explanation as to how humans are satisfied, and how that relates to intimate relationships. According to Webster’s College Dictionary, intimate relationships are ones that are characterized by, or suggest privacy. The relationships will be studied on the bases of their costs, or disadvantages, and their benefits, or ability to meet the desired needs of the students. This information allows the researcher to develop a clear understanding of the topic of study. (Costello, 1991, 423)

This study allowed the researcher to explore different dating problems, beneficial aspects of dating, such as positive self-image development, improving communication skills, and self-confidence. The researcher pondered the costs and benefits of dating while being involved in a campus organization, which may lead to new ideas. Examples might include ways to manage time needed for school, family, organization, and relationship. This research explored personal needs for affection and personal achievements that need to be met before being able to fulfill someone else’s needs in a relationship. This study also attempted to determine if there is any correlation between the desire to pursue a relationship vs. a casual dating life and the perception of costs and benefits of dating in college.

Methodology

Fifty WCSU male students between the ages of 18-23 who are currently involved in student organizations participated. All participants in this study volunteered to take part in this study after being informed of its purpose.

Attached to the front of the questionnaire was an informed consent from the researcher, informing each participant of the purpose, intents, and interests of this particular study. Every participant had to sign this letter demonstrating his willingness to participate in the research.

The questionnaire was created with the intent to record the feelings and views of the participants regarding costs and benefits of dating in college. Along with his own questions, the researcher incorporated ideas from relationship quizzes from ivillage.com, the study of Self Esteem and College Dating Experiences (Klemer, 1971), and the Couple’s Relationship Satisfaction Inventory (Cohen, 1998).

The questionnaire was designed to collect important information about personal feelings, thoughts and advice, without taking large amount of time. The layout consisted of YES/NO questions, "Circle which pertain to you," and short answers. Once the questionnaire was completed, the participants had to be selected.

The participants were randomly selected from a list of organizations with male participants, acquired through the Student Government Association. The organizations were assigned a number, and ten were chosen through the use of a random number table. Each organization’s members were assigned a number, randomly chosen by use of the number table, to take the questionnaire. All background work was done with out the knowledge of the participants. In the event that the selected male could not/would not fill out the questionnaire, the number process was repeated to receive a new participant.

These data were sorted into categories of like answers. These categories consisted of Relationship Experience, Benefits to Dating in College, Costs to Dating in College, Emotions, Personal Experiences, and Stress. Once the categories were sorted, the information was counted and calculated into percentages by dividing the number of common answers by fifty, the number of participants.

The results of the survey are as follows:

100% of the students answered YES, there are benefits to dating in college.

86% of the students disclosed that their primary needs from a relationship were affection and companionship.

60% of the participants admitted to feeling better about who they are because they were involved on campus.

When the participants were asked if they felt better about themselves when they were dating someone, the response was 78% "yes" and 22% "no."

Discussion

Results from the participants conclude that 100% of the students perceived there to be benefits when dating in college, and that they are greater than the costs. Results indicate that 86% of the participants disclosed affection and companionship as their primary needs in a relationship. These data are consistent with Maslow’s Theory of Hierarchy of Needs (1954). Maslow declared that the human needs of emotional fulfillment, physical interaction, and social reciprocation must be met. "Without the fulfillment of these of needs in a linear trend, higher needs and aspirations will not be met," (Rowan,126). Other data indicated with numbers of 97% that stress is a part of dating in college, and 85% of the respondants claimed that it is possible to take stress out of dating. Stress would be regarded as a cost of dating, however 66% of the participants responded with alternative suggestions to reduce stress from relationships through time management, effective communication, and trust. Therefore, if the skills of effective communication and honesty are skills acquired in dating and they are stress reducers, clearly they are benefits to dating in college. Financial discipline, schedule coordination between the partners and listening skills, were other benefits that are acquired while learning how to date in college. "Stress in the college environment can be lowered through the use of creative ideas for dating, and the willingness for the partners to listen to one another." (Coleman,12) These benefits not only build up self-esteem, they create the high confidence level that people need to deal with stress in a more favorable way. Dealing with the cost of a relationship in a constructive way leads into a beneficial experience.

Another stress reducing experience stated by the participants, was the constant social interaction due to their involvement within their own and within other organizations. In fact, 60% of the participants admitted to feeling better about who they are because they were involved on campus. Out of the fifty males 52% claimed to be dating with in the other organizations. These men revealed that their relationships were brought about from their social interaction. Motivation from their partners aided their self-confidence to get further involved with their organization’s responsibilities. This concludes that being involved on campus allows a social outlet, which enhances the probability of relationship building, while aiding in self-confidence to learn, and gain leaderships skills on campus.

In the questionnaire, participants unanimously circled "yes" when asked if there were benefits to dating in college. This information revealed that these men acknowledged the benefits received from dating which satisfied personal needs. The needs that were highlighted and most frequently discussed were of love, affection, self-esteem, and companionship. These needs would be categorized in the base of Maslow’s pyramid, which corresponds with the data’s indication that these particular needs must be met in a relationship before others can be addressed.

When the participants were asked if they felt better about themselves when they were dating someone, the response was 78% "yes" and 22% "no." Others commented after a response was circled, that they would have felt better about themselves if the relationship had lasted. These data reiterate the principles behind Maslow’s theory, certain needs must be fulfilled before other needs can be met. The needs of these students can be met through a very particular benefit of dating, which is attaining a positive self-concept.

The stereotype of college men paints a picture of frivolous partying and womanizing with no real sense of direction. However, 74% of the participants revealed information, which stated that they desire affection, and were looking for stable relationships. The association with fulfilling a task as part of their scholastic career and feeling personally content when dating someone reverts back to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. By fulfilling their needs for affection, personal interaction, and the development of relationships, the students are able to move on to their secondary needs.

The participants remarked that they received a sense of purpose through their involvement, and the opportunities to accomplish tasks within their organizations. In result the students feel good about themselves because they are feeling useful, and part of a greater whole. Concluding, the evidence from the questionnaire showed that the benefits of relationships were of greater fulfillment than the disappointments of the costs. What appeared to be the determining factor of a cost or a benefit to the students was not simply how they feel, but 25% of the participants judged their costs by the length of time that the relationships lasted. How they feel is a direct correlation with the meeting of their specific needs. Costs to dating were listed through importance to the participant. The number one cost of dating in college was school interference, which 76% of the participants circled.

The students who responded that they were more concerned with finding themselves a steady relationship were also the ones who chose benefits of love, affection, and romance. The ones who chose a casual dating relationship had chosen sex, self-confidence, and status as benefits. These data indicate that needs of emotions delivering pleasure for longer periods of time, such as love and affection, were accompanied with the desire to have steady, meaningful relationships. The needs for pleasurable emotions that are more quickly satisfied and could leave just as quickly were systematic with the responses of desired casual relationships. This goes to show through Maslow’s Hierarchy, that everyone has their own internal list of needs which must be fulfilled, and in order to accomplish greater tasks, one must satisfy their initial needs.

The research gave insight to the needs of college male students and their views on the costs and benefits of dating in college. There were however aspects of the research which if reproduced may need to be changed. First, the selection process was not as easily organized an effort as I had hoped. The use of a random number table was not the problem, however the number of participants should have been increased to at least 100 students for this campus, to make the selection easier to perform. The hardest part was tracking down people for their participation, and allotting the necessary time to take the questionnaire seriously. Another aspect of the research, which could be improved, would be the questionnaire itself. A few of the questions could have been phrased more clearly. For example the cost and benefit selection process didn’t create enough of an avenue for the participants to write their own feelings, rather it became easier to circle predetermined answers. Some of the questions that were asked did not serve to research a point, and should be replaced with some other ideas. For example question number three, "What is the first thing you notice about a woman?" It would also be wise to research more questionnaires to give greater insight on the subject at hand. What would be more beneficial would be to perform the study on fifty people, then do follow up interviews to get their perspective on the questions asked, and allow for further clarification of the questionnaire. Then proceed to a larger campus, and try for 1,000 students. This opportunity would allow for more accurate statistics, and a broader perspective than that obtained at a small school.

References

Coleman, David D (1991). Creative dating for the Committed college leader. Campus Activities Programming v24 n4.

Costello, Robert B. (Ed.). (1991). Webster’s College Dictionary. New York: Random House.

February 14, 2000. Compatibility Quiz: Who is Mr. Right?[Online], Http://www.Ivillage.com

Hudson, John W (1969). Campus Values in Mate Selection : A Replication. Journal of Marriage and Families v31 n4.

Kiel, Joan M. (September, 1999). Reshaping Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to Reflect Today’s Educational and Managerial Philosophies. Journal of Instructional Psychology, 26, Issue 3, 167.

Klemer, Richard H (1971). Self Esteem and College Dating Experience as Factors in Mate Selection and Marital happiness: A Longitudinal Study. Journal of Marriage and the Family v33 n1.

Martin, Debra Faye (1994). Dissertations and Master Theses: Tests and Evaluation Instruments. Relationship Needs of College Students. Kansas, Fort Hayes State University.

McBride, Martha C (1977). Sexual Attitudes and Sexual Behavior among College Students. Journal of College Student Personnel v18 n3.

Paul, Elizabeth L (1998). Intimacy Development and Romantic Status: Implications for Adjustment to the College Transition. Journal of College Student Development v39 n1

Rowan, John. (1999). Ascent and Descent in Maslow's Theory. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 39, Issue 3 , 125.

Appendix I

Time Emotional Financial Family

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