The Three Little Pigs
By Robert Billings, Nicole Pelella, Katelyn Prinzo & James Williams
Table of Contents
The story of the three little pigs, a simple tale to be sure, has not been told until now. The real tale must be told, the financial future of the free world depends upon it. The wolf, who in reality is a mortage derivitive broker (suckers, oooh no, tricks) professionally advises his clients, the pigs. Now, without further delay, let's begin.....
Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. Each of the little pigs loved to play and have fun. They liked to go on trips, skiing in the Canadian Rockies, surfing in Maui. Each little pig had cool rides, a BMW 325i, a Mustang 500 Shelby GT and an Escalade, all 08's.
But, one day each of the little pigs decided that they would like a home of their own, the American dream. Enter the Wolf (a mortgage derivitive broker of the highest regard)........
The Wolf was a sharp dresser, strictly Armani from head to paw. His black fur, shiney and neatly groomed with a part in the middle. His long snout sported a stylish, thin mustache. He was fluent in many languages, Spanish, French, Russian, Italian and a fluent Pig Latin.
The Two Coin Challenged Pigs
So. the wolf went looking for prospective houses that he could visit and not only improve his buisness but. maybe have some dinner as well. After perusing the town, the wolf came to a duplex that caught his eye. It was half made of twigs and half made of straw. "This looks interesting enough" the wolf thought to himself. The wolf figured he could blow the duplex down.
the wolf knocked on the the door three times and to the wolf's excitement a plump, little pig came to the door. "Can I help you?!?" Pig 1 yelled when he opened the door. He seemed irritated already so the wolf knew he had to soften him up a bit. "I noticedyour duplex swaying back and forth from the wind and thought I would offer you my services."
The Three Little Pigs
"And what services are those?" Pig 1 asked. Looking intrigued yet annoyed at the same time. The wolf went on to explain that he was a broker and that the market was really "Hot" right now.
Eventually Pig 1 let the wolf in and introduced him to his brother, Pig 2. Pig 2 looked confused and just went along with what his brother was saying, not really thinking about the fact that there was a wolf in the house. He seemed like he knew what he was talking about and was definitely dressed for the part. The two pigs were buying into everything the wolf said but told him that they had to talk it over with their brother who lived next door to them.... in the brick house.
Right then and there the wolf knew that this was his chance to get a meal in before he ventured next door for seconds. So the wolf asked to use the bathroom, and waited for a moment and crept out the door to see what the pigs were doing. The first pig he spoke to, he gobbled up quickly. Then, he heard the second pig calling for his brother. The wolf slighly replied, "he wasn't feeling well and ran into the bathroom right after I came out...."
"Oh, OK I hope he's alright ...." Pig 2 knew something was up so he grabbed the sharpest thing he could find and started heading for the back door.
TOO LATE..... the wolf was three steps ahead of hhim and ate him without even a second thought. "I'm stuffed" the wolf said to himself. He knew the third brother would be looking for the other two so the wolf decided to head to the brick house.
"I can always save him for later.....HA! HA! HA!
The Third Little Pig's Story
The wolf went to Little Pig II's house (looking to get a mortgage) and knew by the size and sturdy look of his brick house, that the pig would agree to the wolf's plan. If the pig didn't agree, the wolf was going to declare the property to the bank and put it under foreclosure.
The third little pig heard three loud knocks on the front door, and before opening it, peeked outside from the bathroom window to see who it was. The wolf bent over to look into the little pig's house from the mail slot, and his beady eyes cast a dark shadow into the pastel and gingham front room. The little pig stood adjacent to the door hinge and listened.
"Little pig, Little Pig, I know you are home. I've come to make you an offer you cannot resist. If you do not let me in, I will declare this property unfit for living, and I am afraid your house will go to the bank!"
"Sorry, Mr. Wolf, but I am expecting company tonight. Very busy making arrangements now! Please come back tomorrow."
"What time tomorrow, Little Pig?"
"Six o'clock will do. I will meet you at Starbucks on Main Street to discuss the plan."
The wolf's eyes darted back and forth in hopes to sight Little Pig III. After a disappointing second, he left disgruntled.
The next day at six o'clock, Little Pig III sat sipping a Tall Caramel Latte and the wolf strolled in with a black leather briefcase. The wolf began to discuss his mortgage plan for the pig's house. The wolf had wanted Little Pig III's property since Mr. Wolf's mother left it to the Pig Family when she died. Mr. Wolf's plan was to get the property back!
After explaining the bargain, Little Pig III didn't seem agreeable with Mr. Wolf's terms. Mr. Wolf said to Little Pig III, "if you do not agree to these terms I will come to your house and burn it down!"
The Little Pig excused himself to go to the bathroom. Mr. Wolf thought nothing of it. To his surprise, the Little Pig never came back from the bathroom, and he was waiting in Starbucks until it closed.
The next day, Little Pig started making pancakes, just like every Sunday morning. He heard loud thumps outside his house, and ran to see what the noise was. Mr. Wolf was unpacking bags of horse manure fertilizer into a barricade around Little Pig's brick house. Little Pig called Mr. Wolf's cell phone, pretending not to have seen him, and said, "Hello Mr. Wolf. I wanted to let you know that I have changed my mind. Maybe it would be a good idea to reconcile over pancakes. "
Mr. Wolf, with one bag of fertilizer over his shoulder, slyly smiled and said, "Alright Little Pig, I should be over in about five minutes." Mr. Wolf thought to himself, I knew he would change his mind! No one could resist my deal.
Mr. Wolf knocked on the door, and Little Pig let him in. As Little Pig pivoted out the door, he locked it from the outside! Little Pig took his gas grill lighter and began lighting the bags of manure fertilizer. Little Pig watched his house's interior burn along with Mr. Wolf. Over the next few years, Little Pig rebuilt the interior of his house proudly, since the brick never burned. He lived happily ever after.